Two million people from 70 countries voted on 40,000 jokes in a 2002 study by Dr Richard Wiseman, of the University of Hertfordshire and the British Association for the Advancement of Science to find out the funniest joke in the world. Here is the winner:
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”
Do you find that funny? I didn’t, and I still made myself laugh anyway for good measure. This may seem like an odd behavior, but then the alternative was to frown and I don’t like that. Laughing feel better. To me it doesn’t have to make sense. As it happens (and although redeemed) I am not the only one devoid of that particular sense of humor. The LaughLab team analysed data from the 10 countries that contributed most jokes and listed them in the order of how funny they found them. Germany came top. That was not because Teutonic wit was better but because it was indiscriminate, Dr Wiseman said. Germans found all jokes moderately funny, unlike other nations, where humor could be divided into three broad types (gags that make you feel superior to others, reduce the emotional impact of difficult situations, or surprise you with incongruity.) People from Britain, Ireland, Australia and New Zealand preferred jokes involving word play:
Patient: “Doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck up my bum.” Doctor: “I’ve got some cream for that.”
I entered 10 puns in a pun contest hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please.”
Americans and Canadians liked gags in which there was a sense of superiority, either because a person looked stupid or was made to look stupid:
Texan: “Where are you from?” Harvard graduate: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.” Texan: “Ok, where are you from, jackass?”
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
You’re not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.
Many European countries, such as France, Denmark and Belgium, enjoyed jokes that were surreal, like Dr Wiseman’s favourite:
An alsatian went to a telegram office and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk examined the paper and told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.” “But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.”
Read the full article at http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1409069/Worlds-funniest-joke-unveiled.html
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these were not funny
oh come on the Texan one was pretty funny.
i agree
The comment from Bobby was the funniest thing here.
I thought jokes were supposed to make you laugh
Where does money go to ask questions online?
cREDDIT!
🤦♂️
Hey It was funny
13/10 would recommend
My favorite joke of all time. What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Hey… that was actually decent. Pretty good.
This, this right here XD
That was not funny at all 😩😓
What is the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom?
Well, a pickpocket snatches watches , while a peeping Tom…
Lololol this took me a while to get but when I finally did I spit out my drink 😂
Why does snoop dog use an umbrella..?
For drizzle
LOL hilarious jokes/puns
what did the horse say when he fell down? HELP! iv’e fallen and i can’t giddy-up!!!
Here’s another Roman soldier joke. A Roman centurion walks into a bar and orders a Martinus. “Don’t you mean a Martini?”, says the barman, to which the centurion replies, “If I’d wanted a double, I’d have asked for it”.
My dog used to chase people on a bike, I used to think it was funny but so many people complained that I had to take his bike off him.
not funny
I was driving along a quiet road late last night when I saw a hitchhiker trying to get a ride. I stopped to let him in, we had only gone a couple of miles when he asked if I wasn’t worried that he was a serial killer, I said not at all, as the chances were almost zero of 2 serial killers being in the same car.
My first chuckle
recent studies have shown that 6/7 dwarves aren’t happy
what do you say to a man in a wheelchair that stole your camoflouge suit.
you can hide but you can’t run.
One muffin says to another muffin, “Hi how are you doing?”, the other muffin replies, AHH a talking muffin!
OMG I have NO IDEA why that joke was so funny to me
I have heard that one before, it’s great.
Here’s one 4ppl who like Donald trump jokes.
Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Obama are standing at Gods throne in heaven. God asks Hillary and Obama what they believe in. They believe in peace happiness and hard work. God asks Donald trump what he believes in.
Trump: “I believe you’re in my seat.”😹😹😹
Omg this is the funniest thing ever I am dying
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Flip that’s so true he would say that lol lmao
An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, “I just let out a long, silent fart but it doesn’t smell, what should I do?” The husband replies, “Firstly, when we get home we are going to replace the batteries in your hearing aid, and tomorrow we are going to the doctors to sort your sinus problem”
How do you keep an idiot in suspense???
Ill tell you later… 🤣
that was not funny or nice
that’s why it’s called a joke 🙂
are you kidding? I think it was great
A man told a pun to his kitten, then the kitten said “you’ve got to be kitten me right meow!”
If jokes are meant to make you laugh why do I still have a straight face I have sympathy for you but even the why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants in case he got a hole in one would be funnier
A Sligo man walks into a bakers and asks for a Gatox. The assistant says “It’s not Gatox, it’s Gateaux”! and the Sligo man says “Oh Ballo”!
A man bought a farm of land that had been lying fallow for thirty years. The old house was falling down and the grass and weeds were as high as the door. He soon went to work on it and it was beginning to come into shape, when one day as he was trimming an area of grass near the roadside, the local parish priest walked past. “Ah.” said the priest, as he walked by “That is a fine place you and the Lord are keeping. A fine place indeed”!
“Do you think so Father”? asked the farmer. “You should have seen the shape of it, when the Lord was looking after it by himself”!!
I thought This was the funniest joke in the world: “Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput! ”
(It a Monty Python and The Holy Grail joke. search it up; it’s in german.)
why shouldn’t you fight a dinosaur
you’ll get jurasskicked
nice
A guy walks into a business that buys ideas and tells them I’ve made this fruit that tasted like a pear on one side and an apple on the other. They tell him no way that’s impossible. Sure enough they try it and bite into one side tastes like a pear and bite into other side and tastes like a apple. They proceed to give him 500,000 dollars for his idea. As he is leaving a guy yells to home “if you can make a fruit taste like a pussy I’ll give you a million”.
A year later he walks in and says I’ve done it! I’ve made a fruit taste like a pussy as you asked. Sure enough the guy comes over takes the fruit and bites into it. He gasps and says “OMG this tastes like shit”! The inventor says oh flip it over!
Welp I’m supposed to give a joke for a school project but this didn’t make laugh so oof
A dyslexic man walked into a bra….
Two Scotsmen were talking and one said “So hey, yer know I’m getting married!!! Gonna have a real traditional Scottish weddin’ even going to wearin’ kilts!” and the other says “Argh! Really?! What’s the tartain?” and the guys says “Ah, she’ll probably be wearin’ white!!!”
the first one was really funny
A lo of these aren’t funny. Are u sure of ur source? 😐
🙂 The research is valid. At the end of the day what’s not funny? Let that be the epiphany…
there was a blond brunette and a red head they where running away from the cops and came up to a farm the red head hid behind a cow the bernet hid behind a horse and the blond hid behind in a sack of potatoes. the cops came up to a farm and said come out. the one behind the horse said neigh the one behind the cow said moo and the one behind the sack of potatoes said sack of potatoes.
I love jokes! And Pranks!
My wife is on the roof – only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, “One day, this could be you.” I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he’s right.
What’s a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
these are awesome, lol
My favorite one is A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?” But it was very sad for the man who died
A man walks into a bar and orders a corona and two hurricanes. The bartender replies, “that’ll be 20.20!”
lol
What is the only rock group with no singers?
Mount Rushmore!
A blonde was sitting in a boat in the middle of a field or wheat. she was paddling like crazy. Another blonde walked passed shaking her head and yelled out “It’s blondes like you that give us a bad name. If i could swim i would come over there and slap you”!
A little barefoot boy is sitting on the curb on a warm Sunday afternoon, holding a pickle-jar half full of clear liquid. He’s shaking it and holding it up to the light and shaking it, watching the bubbles again when Father Flannigan, the local priest happens by.
“Well, well my son. What have you here in the jar, me lad?” With wide eyes the little boy replied “This here’s the most POWERFUL liquid in the world, Father!”
Father Flannigan scrunched up his face questioningly, seeing a teachable moment, bent down and asked “Oh son, have you got holy water in your jar?”
Little boy responded “Gosh No Father, it ain’t holy water!” The priest retorted with “Well son… You know that HOLY WATER is the most powerful liquid in the world! Why, did you know, if you drip TWO drops of holy water on a pregnant lady’s tummy she’ll pass a BOY! If you put THREE drops on her tummy, she’ll pass a GIRL! That’s true power my son..”.
Little boy answers “Hell Father, that ain’t nuthin. This here’s TURPENTINE. You put just ONE drop of this on a cat’s ass & he’ll pass a MOTORCYCLE!”
i googled what happens if i make a cat swallow turpentine… it came up with cat vet stuff!
The hunter one was funny i didn’t get the texan one.
ya I agree
My personal favorite is how many tickles makes a octopus laugh.Ten tickles
The F in orphan stands for family. Oh wait…
Yes…just like the P in Facebook stands for “Privacy.” 🙂
Dang that got me good bruh the Texan one Lmfao
Joke: /jõk/
Something that makes you laugh and happy because it’s funny.
I said joke deffinition because I think you don’t know its meaning, according to the jokes you wrote here.
“Humor” and “funny” are cultural experiences that vary from person to person, group to group, and country to country, so what you write is fully accurate but only from your perspective.
My brother is so stupid. He said onions were the only fruit that can make you cry… so I threw a coconut at his head.
I don’t understand the jokes so my rate through 1-10 is a 1
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said “those are deer tracks.” The second blonde said “No, those are elk tracks.” The third blonde said “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.” The Blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
Why does everyone hate black holes?
well, first off, they suck………
Here’s one for ppl who like dark humor
What starts with m and ends with arriage? Miscarriage! tha joke never gets old… and neither does the baby
Goodness. That is dark. I guess this is why dark humor is like clean water: not everybody gets it…
Have some central coast humor: I own a jar of dirt.
the first one was funny
I was on the ground for 10 minutes with the hunter
Boy , it made my Dog Laugh he is dying, he just ate my compeuywoiutybowiv. 2oiq
I’ve wanted to be a songwriter all my life. I’ve just always been writing songs. Here is one of the songs I wrote today: (Feedback is accepted)
OH!
When the jokes not funny you just want to cry
And I stood there on my bed just wanting to die
(OH MY MY) (PIE!) (OH MY MY) (PIE!)
And I was running away
And I just couldn’t stay
Because it wasn’t funny
(OH MY MY) (PIE!) (OH MY MY) (PIE!)
And I don’t know what to do
I’ve got everything to lose
And yesterday I pooped my pants
And I just felt so bad
(PIE) (yeah, yeah)
Not funny not at all